We live in a very strange world. One in which people have a strong in group bias and naturally hate the out group. But on the other hand, we’re all expected to get with the program of globalization and become accepting and tolerant of others. In all of this, I’ve never felt like I totally belonged. I went to an International School as a young person, and not totally belonging was part of our cultural identity, in a way.
Ever since then, I’ve never felt like I’ve totally belonged. I recently came to accept this fact about a year ago. I’m just not meant to fit in. This doesn’t make me special, more interesting, or cooler than others. But I’m on an unconventional life path.
As such, I’m not looking to belong. It simply isn’t one of my values in life. Instead I’m looking to produce good work and be around the people I love.
I think feeling lonely or like we don’t belong is for people who don’t know themselves very well. I could be wrong, but that’s the conclusion I’ve come to after spending a lot of time alone. I’ve had a lot of time to introspect, and I think identity for many people boils down to taste. People identify with people who engage in similar practices to them, and as such enjoy the same things. Humans are tribal creatures, and different decisions can bring you down differing life paths. Over the course of 5 or 10 years, differences in minor decisions can create a massive difference in how two different people live their lives. So it makes sense that people have a knee jerk aversion to the unfamiliar.
But I think you can ascend beyond this level.
I have personally decided that I belong around stuff that I like. Whatever authentically speaks to me is what I belong around. This has simplified quite a few aspects of life for me, and has given me peace of mind when pursuing my goals. I don’t worry too much about what others think, and I have clarity of mind as I chase my dreams.
If you feel like you don’t belong, I suggest you spend some time alone, but don’t wallow. If you don’t spend the time working, spend the time learning about yourself or picking up a hobby. Connect with your family members. Whatever you do, don’t waste that precious time on Netflix or Pornhub. It’s better to get high than do that, in my opinion (although I don’t recommend that either).
Not fitting in doesn’t have to be a curse. You just have to accept that others won’t understand you, and make sure to maintain the important connections. It’s really not the end of the world.
If you want to feel more like you belong, I suggest picking a city that you enjoy and staying there. It’s hard to feel like you belong without some sense of stability. If you can feel stable in life, you’ll be far happier than you could ever imagine, even if you feel a bit out of place. This is why I think feeling isolated is correlated with lack of self knowledge. It’s an emotionally unstable position to be in. This is all a matter of opinion though, I could be wrong.
Thanks for paying attention.
By Rising Current on .
Exported from Medium on November 8, 2024.
