Children are born wired for love. They don’t come into the world with resentment, distance, or judgment — only the natural pull to connect, to trust, and to belong. That’s what makes it so painful when that bond breaks down later in life. But when it does, it’s rarely because the child chose not to love their parent.
No child decides, “I won’t love you anymore.” What happens instead is that pain builds up. Disappointment stacks on top of hurt, misunderstanding turns into defense, and eventually, love has nowhere safe to go. It’s still there — buried under the survival instinct to protect themselves from being hurt again.
Children — even grown ones — often withdraw not out of hatred, but out of self-preservation. They’ve been ignored, criticized, or made to feel like their emotions didn’t matter, and over time, the easiest way to cope is to close off. But deep down, that longing for connection doesn’t die. It just hides.
Even when a child stops speaking to a parent, that love often lingers in quieter forms: the wish that things had been different, the ache when they see another family getting along, the moments they replay memories of better times.
> No child chooses not to love their parent. They simply choose not to be hurt anymore.
Understanding that difference matters. It reminds us that love doesn’t vanish — it just retreats when it isn’t safe. And sometimes, all it takes to bring it back is one moment of empathy, one apology, or one genuine effort to listen again.
