There’s a strange social pressure that makes people feel obligated to maintain relationships that drain them. Somewhere along the way, many of us internalized the idea that walking away from negativity makes us weak, intolerant, or closed-minded. But here’s something worth remembering: you are not required to keep misandrist women in your life.
If someone consistently expresses contempt for men as a category, makes sweeping negative generalizations about male character, or treats masculinity itself as inherently toxic or defective, you can simply choose not to be around them. This isn’t about silencing criticism or refusing to acknowledge real problems. It’s about recognizing that relationships built on categorical contempt aren’t healthy for anyone involved.
The justification usually goes something like this: she’s been hurt, she’s processing trauma, she’s fighting against real oppression, so you need to be understanding. And yes, context matters. Everyone deserves space to work through difficult experiences and express frustration with genuine injustices. But understanding someone’s pain doesn’t obligate you to accept being treated as a representative of everything wrong with half of humanity.
There’s a meaningful difference between critiquing patriarchal systems or calling out specific harmful behaviors and harboring active hostility toward men as people. One is political consciousness; the other is prejudice. You can support equality, listen to women’s experiences, and advocate for change without accepting rhetoric that frames you as inherently suspect or morally compromised because of your gender.
Sometimes people argue that men should tolerate misandry because women have tolerated misogyny for centuries. This logic treats interpersonal relationships as venues for historical payback, which helps no one. You’re not responsible for every man who came before you, and subjecting yourself to contempt doesn’t balance any cosmic scales. Two wrongs have never made a right, and personal relationships cannot be sites of reparative justice.
The practical reality is simpler than the theoretical arguments. If someone in your life consistently makes you feel ashamed of your gender, questions your motives solely because you’re male, or treats your perspective as inherently less valid, you will eventually feel alienated and resentful. That’s not personal weakness. That’s a natural response to being devalued.
You might worry that distancing yourself proves you can’t handle criticism or that you’re fragile. But there’s nothing fragile about recognizing contempt for what it is. Hearing “men are trash” or “I hate men” regularly, even when cushioned with explanations about punching up or venting frustration, takes a psychological toll. You don’t have to pretend it doesn’t affect you to prove you’re one of the good ones.
Setting boundaries isn’t the same as demanding everyone agree with you or refusing to examine your own behavior. You can absolutely listen when someone points out that you’ve said something thoughtless or perpetuated a harmful pattern. You can recognize your advantages and work to be better. None of that requires you to accept a relationship defined by suspicion and hostility.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is create distance. You can do this without drama, without long explanations about why you’re hurt, without trying to change anyone’s mind. You can simply stop investing energy in relationships that consistently make you feel diminished. You can redirect that energy toward people who see you as an individual rather than a walking gender category.
This applies to friendships, professional relationships, and dating situations. If a woman you’re interested in romantically expresses deep-seated contempt for men in general, believing you’ll somehow be the exception is usually wishful thinking. If a friend group regularly engages in casual male-bashing and you feel uncomfortable, finding different friends isn’t betraying some progressive cause. If a colleague treats your contributions with automatic skepticism because of your gender, you don’t owe them endless patience.
The goal isn’t to surround yourself only with people who never challenge you. The goal is to maintain relationships built on mutual respect. Plenty of women critique gender dynamics, advocate fiercely for equality, and discuss their frustrations with male behavior without sliding into categorical contempt. These conversations can be uncomfortable but ultimately productive because they’re grounded in the belief that individuals can do better.
What you’re avoiding isn’t feminism or accountability. You’re avoiding the specific toxicity of being reduced to a stereotype. And you’re allowed to do that. You’re allowed to protect your mental health. You’re allowed to insist on being treated as a person.
Nobody benefits when you force yourself to tolerate contempt in the name of being understanding. You become resentful, she remains stuck in a worldview that prevents genuine connection, and the space between you fills with unspoken tension. Walking away creates room for both of you to find relationships that actually work.
So if you find yourself repeatedly around someone whose default stance toward men is hostility, remember that you have options. You can leave the conversation. You can end the friendship. You can swipe left. You can find a different job. You can stop attending those gatherings. The world is full of people capable of nuanced thinking about gender who won’t treat your existence as an ongoing problem to be managed.
You don’t need permission to prioritize your wellbeing. You don’t need to justify wanting relationships where you’re seen rather than categorized. And you certainly don’t need to prove you’re enlightened by enduring contempt.Just walk away. It really is that simple.