If you’re a parent who wants to help their child enter the adult world in the best way possible, you’re going to need to be supportive. The way things are going, if you don’t support your son, he will end up being a passport bro, or just a member of the working poor, or criminal class. Your daughter might end up on OnlyFans. These are pretty bad scenarios, and I’m being a bit dramatic, but these things do happen. Most people turn out fine, but those who aren’t properly supported end up being disgruntled and making strange or harmful choices when it comes to how they live. It could be something as simple as your son moving halfway across the country, or as harmful and tragic as him becoming a violent criminal. I’m not a parent, but my guess is that most parents want to avoid scenarios like these.
If it’s legal, you can afford it, and it can lead to gainful employment, support it
I know this might sound crazy, and terrifying. It might also sound like I’m telling you to spoil your child. I’m not. I’m telling you to take an accurate stock of what they’re doing. Can it bring in money? How long will it take? You need to be honest with yourself as a parent in these scenarios, not be guided by fear. Most people are willing to spend years of their lives getting a degree. Most of those people do well, but most also aren’t outstanding successes. If your child is willing to dedicate years of their life to something that isn’t immediately lucrative, the chances of them becoming an outstanding success aren’t low. They’re already proving that they can delay gratification. Support them so they can flourish.
If you can’t afford to support them financially in their endeavors, help them make a gameplan
Be realistic and be helpful. Help your child do what they want to do, not what you want to do. Counsel them on ethics and safety, but don’t shame their preferences. Shame pushes people away, and when it doesn’t, it makes them miserable. Helping your child achieve their true goals will go a long way in building a bond of trust well into both of your later years.
Your “child” is or will be an adult soon
This means that if you don’t treat them as such, they’re going to remain permanent children or resenting you or both. Treat your child like their correct age. Not doing so is one of the easiest ways to break the bond the two of you have. Feeling unheard sucks, and people never forget it. Infantilizing you child is a way of shutting them down.
Your child will remember how much you supported them when they are successful
If this sentence worries you, then you’re almost certainly on the wrong track. If you’re not worried about your child becoming successful and leaving you behind, you might be right. But don’t let arrogance blind you. There are a lot of people out there who are working very, very hard. If you don’t watch what they’re up to, they will surprise you. If you support your child’s endeavors when they’re young, you’re putting money in your relationship piggy bank. They won’t forget this stuff as they age.
Most happy/mentally healthy people are going to do what they want to do in the long run
Just because they’re conforming to your wishes in the short term doesn’t mean that they give a crap about your long-term goals. Smart people with a healthy sense of self respect are going to plan and optimize their lives, no matter who they’re around. If you have a good amount of money, you might want to be careful. Your kid might be building behind your back. Don’t try stifling them, that will only make the relationship worse. All of this is evidence to disregard if your child is a loser who doesn’t try, but if you’re wrong you’re going to lose big.
Like everyone, I spent 18 years being a child. I’m now the adult child of two parents, about to move into my late 20s and early 30s. I know how young people want to be supported by their parents. Most of us don’t want a lot, unless we were conditioned to already expect it. The worst thing you can do is make your child feel like they’re a burden on you, while also infantilizing them. If they’re working hard, they’re going to ditch you as soon as they experience success. If you’ve lived long enough, you know that alienating those closest to you is a bad feeling.
Thanks for paying attention.
