There’s a particular kind of wisdom that comes with age, though honestly, some people never quite grasp it. It’s the understanding that not every moment needs to be optimized, corrected, or improved. Sometimes the best thing you can do is step back and let people enjoy themselves, even if you think you know better.
I’m talking about those moments when someone is excitedly telling you about their new discovery, completely unaware that you’ve known about it for years. Or when they’re proudly showing off a technique they’ve just learned that you could do in your sleep. Maybe they’re raving about a restaurant you find mediocre, or gushing about a movie you thought was just okay. In these moments, you have a choice. You can be the person who says “actually,” or you can be the person who lets them have their fun.
The “actually” person is exhausting. We all know them. They’re technically correct most of the time, which somehow makes it worse. They can’t help but point out that the band you’re excited about seeing was better on their first tour, or that the recipe you’re proud of would be improved with one small modification, or that the vacation destination you’re looking forward to is actually overrated compared to this other place. They’re not necessarily trying to be killjoys. They often think they’re being helpful.
But here’s what they’re missing: enthusiasm is fragile, and joy doesn’t require perfection. When someone is genuinely excited about something, that excitement has value in itself. It doesn’t matter if their excitement is about something objectively inferior, or if you’ve already been there and done that, or if you could technically do it better. Their joy is real, and it deserves space to exist.
Think about a kid showing you a drawing. You wouldn’t immediately launch into a critique of their perspective or color theory. You understand intuitively that the point isn’t the quality of the drawing but the pride they feel in having created it. The same principle applies to adults, even if we forget it more often. We get so caught up in being right, in sharing our superior knowledge or experience, that we squash the simple pleasure someone is taking in their moment.
Letting people have their fun doesn’t mean you have to be dishonest. You don’t need to pretend you think something is amazing when you don’t. But there’s a vast territory between lying and being a wet blanket. You can be genuinely happy that they’re happy. You can ask questions that let them tell you more about what they’re enjoying. You can share in the energy of their enthusiasm without endorsing every detail of whatever they’re enthusiastic about.
Sometimes letting people have their fun means biting your tongue when you see them doing something inefficiently. Your coworker has developed an elaborate system for organizing their emails that you know is overcomplicated. So what? If it makes them feel more in control and they’re enjoying perfecting it, why does it matter that you could show them a faster way? Your friend is planning a trip with an itinerary you can see has some logistical problems. Unless they’re going to miss their flight or end up stranded somewhere, maybe just let them figure it out. The stories about the mishaps might end up being the best part of their trip anyway.
There’s also something to be said for recognizing that your way isn’t always the only way, or even necessarily the best way for someone else. Just because you’ve optimized something for your preferences doesn’t mean your solution is universal. The fancy coffee maker you swear by might be perfect for you, but your friend who’s delighted with their simple pour-over setup isn’t wrong. They’re just different. And if they’re happy, they’re actually ahead of you in at least one meaningful way.
The deeper truth is that joy is often more about the journey than the destination. Someone learning to cook doesn’t need to start with the most sophisticated techniques or the chef-approved ingredients. They need to enjoy the process enough to keep doing it. Someone getting into a new hobby doesn’t need to immediately invest in professional-grade equipment or skip to advanced levels. They need to have fun at whatever level they’re at, or they’ll quit before they get anywhere.
When you let people have their fun, you’re making a choice about what kind of person you want to be in their life. You’re choosing to be someone who adds to their joy rather than subtracts from it. You’re choosing to be safe to share excitement with, which is a rare and valuable quality. You’re choosing connection over correction.
This doesn’t mean you should never offer advice or share your knowledge. There are absolutely times when people want your input, when they’re asking for help or when something genuinely matters. The key is reading the room. Are they asking for optimization tips, or are they sharing their happiness? Are they stuck and frustrated, or are they energized and engaged? Are they making a serious mistake with real consequences, or are they just doing something differently than you would?
Letting people have their fun is ultimately an act of generosity. It’s giving them the gift of their own experience without filtering it through your judgment. It’s recognizing that their path doesn’t have to look like yours, and that their enjoyment doesn’t need to meet your standards. It’s understanding that sometimes the best way to support someone is simply to get out of their way and let them be happy.
So the next time someone is excited about something you find unimpressive, or doing something you could improve upon, or discovering something you’ve known about forever, take a breath. Ask yourself: does this really need my input right now? Or can I just let them have this? More often than not, the answer is the latter. And in choosing to let them have their fun, you might just find that their enthusiasm is contagious, their joy is genuine, and the world is a little bit brighter for not having been dimmed by your well-intentioned corrections.Sometimes the wisest thing you can say is nothing at all. Just smile, and let people enjoy themselves.
