We’ve all seen it: a grandmother squinting at a smartphone, a grandfather asking what “the TikTok” is, an aunt claiming she “just doesn’t understand” cryptocurrency. It’s easy to assume they’re genuinely lost, struggling to keep up with a world that’s moved too fast for them.But here’s what I’ve learned from countless conversations with older adults: they’re often playing dumb. And they’re doing it on purpose.
My neighbor Frank is 73. Last month, he asked me to explain NFTs “one more time” because he “just can’t seem to wrap his head around it.” Two days later, I overheard him on the phone with his financial advisor, discussing blockchain technology and digital asset regulations with the fluency of someone who’d clearly done their homework. He caught my eye through the window and gave me the slightest smirk.
The thing is, older adults grew up in a world that required actual effort to learn things. They couldn’t just Google an answer in three seconds. They went to libraries. They read newspapers cover to cover. They took notes. When they care about something, they research it thoroughly—often more thoroughly than those of us who skim headlines and call it staying informed.
So why the act? Sometimes it’s a test. They want to see if you actually understand what you’re talking about, or if you’re just parroting buzzwords. Sometimes it’s strategic ignorance—a way to opt out of trends they’ve investigated and found wanting. And sometimes, honestly, it’s just more fun to watch young people overexplain things with the earnest condescension of someone who thinks they’ve discovered fire.
My father-in-law does this with streaming services. He’s watched every major series on four different platforms, manages his own subscriptions, and has opinions about user interface design. But when family visits, he suddenly needs help “finding the Netflix.” Why? Because it guarantees someone will sit with him for twenty minutes, and conversation flows more easily when you think you’re being helpful.
The next time an older person in your life seems baffled by some aspect of modern life, consider the possibility that they’ve already read three articles about it, formed an opinion, and decided that playing confused is easier than explaining why they think it’s ridiculous. They’ve seen trends come and go for decades. They know which ones are worth their energy.They’re not behind. They’re just selective about what they pretend to care about.
