Dating content has hopefully reached peak craziness. The world went through a rough patch before 2020, and lots of people had a bone to pick with society. Social justice warriors terrorized pretty much everyone who wasn’t a very oppressed minority. All that being said, things are becoming less “woke”. Trump is in power, people are tweeting crazy stuff about your body my choice, there doesn’t seem to be much of a shift relating to how most people are experiencing their social lives. For some reason, a lot of people are dissatisfied, particularly those under 30. In my opinion, this is due to unrealistic dating expectations. Both men and women have unrealistic expectations of each other. But I wrote this article for men because I wanted to take stock of the situation, and point out how being realistic can help your dating life.
Men don’t want to make enough money/save
If you’re a young man who’s doing something, you’re ahead of the game. Entrepreneurship doesn’t usually work very well when you’re young, because it’s hard to generate a lot of capital when you’re just getting started and have no skills. This means that as a young man, all you need to do to get ahead of the game is, get an above average job or create a business that pays you average wages.
Women have no sense of money
Or they’re just jaded, who knows. But a lot of women look at the things a man has, and don’t always look at earning potential. Sure, most women are better at telling who has money than most men. But a lot of women still get played. Or they make decisions based on job titles. All of this stuff makes sense, but wealthy men with good jobs have a ton of options. If you make that the benchmark for dating, expect a lot of people to pretend to be wealthy, and a lot of wealthy people to do go around doing basically whatever they want. Western women acting up? Fly to Brazil or Colombia. Can’t stand women in Korea? Go to Vietnam. Men who think this way are going to end up lonely, but the natural corollary is that most women should be looking to date normal men with normal jobs, unless they also want to be alone. Both sides are looking to experience a way of life that isn’t realistic. Some people seem to be ok with being alone. That doesn’t make a ton of sense to me long-term, but to each their own.
Women have high expectations of men’s investment in them
A lot of women go for guys that they see as attractive or having money and expect the guys to commit. Most of the time, this is laughable. It’s 2024. Child support is a thing. Men have no incentive to stick with most women who are “down”. There are lots of nice, beautiful women. It just doesn’t make sense to focus on one, if you can attract them regularly and aren’t settling down. Especially if they seem like they’re just looking for a good time or some money. Travel and social media have also increased successful men’s options dramatically. Most women, unfortunately, should be looking to the average guy if they want to raise a family. So, with fewer guys in the workforce, we should expect fertility to keep going down. Prices rising has the same effect of having fewer guys in the workforce.
People don’t want to be healthy or stay in shape
This has a massive and very understated impact on fertility rates and the economy. If people are addicted to junk food, fast food, and sedentary living, they naturally become more unproductive on all fronts, making them less able to earn money and take pride in their work. They also become less sexually attractive to their partners. Basically, willfully unhealthy people demoralize society in every way. They shouldn’t have high dating expectations, and their expectations skew the “market”, putting healthy people at an unfair disadvantage.
Men want to keep hooking up forever
This is the weirdest shit ever. Constant hooking up, lots of porn, sometimes even prostitution, with no kids in sight. It’s not everyone, but it’s definitely on the rise since the 1990s. Just ask anyone over 45 or 50. A lot of guys are living in a fantasy on this front. Enter mental illness later in life.
Lower expectations lead to a happier life
If you set lower expectations as to who you marry, you will likely be happier than if you set higher expectations. High expectations in dating are often irrational, and we’re often blinded as a result of them. If you have lower expectations, you’ll often find that your expectations mold and shift to allow you to be both realistic and discerning. I experienced this myself. Dating average and below average looking women caused me to value character more than I otherwise would have. The fact that I dated these women while being able to date more attractive women also helped, because I was used to their looks and sexual attention. I became able to better discern what was performative attraction and what was real. Becoming more realistic in my mid 20s is likely what’s going to cause me to avoid a painful divorce in my 30s or 40s.
Being realistic = less stress on women
Don’t accept laziness or bad treatment from a woman. But don’t stress her out expecting her to be a perfect cook, maid, and slut. It’s just not fair and will backfire on you in the long run. Why do you think there’s so much feminism nowadays? It’s because our fathers and grandfathers fucked up. Being nonjudgmental goes a long way with people, and it’s part of the reason why western men are considered a catch in more patriarchal societies.
Being realistic forces you to improve
And that makes you more likely to be able to date the woman you want. If you can realize that good women are rare and improve yourself to the point of being able to deserve one, you’re probably going to be flooded with options if you do even some of the work required to improve. A lot of guys expect to be able to date hot women just for existing, because hot women are common. If you’re smart enough to realize that a hot woman with a good personality is going to by definition, be fairly rare, you’re going to focus a decent bit on self-improvement, even if you don’t make it your whole life.
The past four years has been plagued by bad dating content. A lot of people are grifting off of bitter, angry people, and making the world a bitter, angry place. It’s pretty easy to bring it all back to the basics. The best way to live a good life is to work hard and have expectations that are in line with reality. That way, you’re only ever disappointed if you’re unlucky. If you have a high net worth and you work out, you’re good on the superficial front. And trust me when I say, your net worth doesn’t need to be all that high. Top 20% and you’re good, if you know how to spend your money properly. After that it’s just about being in the right environments. Places where you can connect with people easily. I find that even if you have money, it’s way more normal outside “the west”. That being said, this logically applies no matter where you live. Odds are, if you’re single and not happy about it, you need to lower your standards or focus more on the fundamentals. Most people aren’t willing to improve, so the good news is that a bit of work can put you far ahead of most people. Still, you’re going to want to keep your standards in check in order to maximize your happiness. If you set low expectations and do the work, you’ll probably be pretty happy with who you meet/are able to attract.
Thanks for paying attention.
