We’ve all encountered them: individuals whose behavior is so erratic, volatile, or unreasonable that every interaction leaves you emotionally drained. Whether it’s the colleague who erupts over minor issues, the acquaintance who manufactures drama out of thin air, or the person whose conspiracy theories dominate every conversation, recognizing when someone’s behavior is genuinely harmful to your wellbeing isn’t judgmental—it’s essential self-preservation.
The truth is that you cannot fix, save, or reason with someone who isn’t ready to address their own issues. You might think that being patient, understanding, or accommodating will eventually break through, but what usually happens instead is that you become collateral damage in their chaos. Your mental health suffers, your time gets consumed, and your energy reserves deplete while they remain unchanged.
There’s a difference between supporting someone through a difficult period and allowing yourself to become entangled with someone whose patterns of behavior are consistently destructive. A friend going through a rough patch deserves compassion. Someone who perpetually creates crisis after crisis, refuses accountability, lashes out at those trying to help them, or manipulates others for attention is exhibiting patterns you should recognize as red flags.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you cold or uncaring. It means you understand that you’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You can wish someone well from a distance. You can hope they get the help they need without being the one to provide it, especially when you’re not equipped to do so and when their behavior actively harms you.
Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. If you consistently feel anxious, exhausted, angry, or depressed following your interactions, that’s valuable information. Your nervous system is telling you something important. Some people are energy vampires, and no amount of good intentions on your part will change that dynamic.
Protecting your peace isn’t selfish. Creating distance from people whose behavior is erratic or harmful is an act of self-respect. You get one life, and spending it managing someone else’s chaos means you’re not fully living your own. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is simply walk away.