Let’s play a game. Picture your mental and emotional energy as a pristine, well-guarded castle. Inside is your peace, your focus, your safety. Now, imagine the drawbridge. When do you lower it?
For many of us, the answer is: far too often for far too little.We live in a world that preaches forced connectivity. We’re told to be open, to be kind, to engage. And while kindness is a virtue, indiscriminate engagement is a strategic error. I’m here to propose a controversial but profoundly peaceful rule:
Do not engage in strange, unsolicited interactions with strangers unless they are making you money or they are a potential romantic partner.
Before you clutch your pearls, let me be clear. This is not about being rude. It’s about being strategic. It’s about understanding that your attention, your energy, and your safety are your most valuable currencies. And you shouldn’t be spending them on just anyone who shouts from the moat.
The Two Valid Exceptions: A Simple Filter
Let’s break down the rule. Why these two exceptions?First, we have the transactional interaction, where someone is making you money. This is clean, simple, and bound by social contracts. Think of the barista making your coffee, the client in a meeting, or the colleague collaborating on a project. The interaction has a defined purpose and a clear end. The energy exchanged is for mutual professional or service-oriented benefit, and the context itself acts as a filter against any “strangeness.”
Second is the relational interaction, with a potential romantic partner. This is also a clear, intentional filter. You’re at a social event, a bar, or on a dating app. The entire point of the context is to lower the drawbridge and see if someone is worthy of entry. You are consciously opting into the vulnerability of a new connection for the potential reward of companionship or love.In both cases, you are voluntarily engaging for a specific, desired outcome.
The Problem with “Random” Engagements
Now, let’s talk about the stranger on the bus who wants to rant about politics, the person in the grocery line who overshares their medical history, or the random account in your DMs with a “hi” and a suspicious link. These interactions are energy vampiric, draining your focus and polluting your mental space with issues that are not your own. They are wildly unpredictable; you have no insight into the person’s mental state, intentions, or capacity for escalation. Most critically, they represent a tangible security risk. Every piece of information you give away—your neighborhood, your workplace, the fact you’re alone—increases your exposure to potential harm.
You are not a public utility, required to provide a listening ear or emotional labor on demand. By engaging, you are not being “nice.” You are training people that your boundaries are flexible and that your attention is cheap.
The Art of the Polite Disengagement
“But what if I seem rude?” This is the shackle that keeps most people’s drawbridge permanently lowered. Being polite does not mean being available. It means exiting an interaction with grace and finality. Master the simple exit: a smile, a nod, and a “Have a great day” before turning away. Use the vague acknowledgment like, “I’ll have to think about that. Take care,” which acknowledges them without engaging with the content. Never underestimate the power of a physical disengage—taking a step back, checking your phone, or simply continuing with your task. You do not owe them a debate, an explanation, or your time.
Your Peace is the Priority
Every time you stop to entertain a strange, unsolicited interaction, you are rolling dice with your peace and safety. The potential upside is a mildly interesting story at best. The potential downside is wasted time, drained energy, heightened anxiety, or something far worse.
Your inner world is a fortress. Guard the drawbridge with intention. Lower it for those who bring value, potential, or joy—for clear and purposeful reasons. For everyone else, a polite nod from the battlements is more than enough.
Your sanity will thank you for it.