Cold approaching women is a skill, and one that’s pretty easy to learn. You just learn the basics from someone who knows how to do it, or you do it tentatively until you get the hang of it. Cold approaching can be scary in today’s world. It’s easy to feel self-conscious, or to be nervous and say something weird. There are also a lot of incels and malicious characters who have become notorious, and that permeates a lot of interactions between men and women. But still, cold approaching is still possible if you do it right. You just need to follow a few steps and practice.
Look decent
You don’t need to look amazing. But it’s easier when you don’t look threatening. Look clean cut. Wear normal clothes. Shave. Take care of basic hygiene. Try to be comfortable wherever you are. The more comfortable you are, the more confident you appear. From what I can tell, a lot of women get uncomfortable if you’re unconfident, because it looks like you’re up no good (at first glance). You don’t need to be an alpha male caricature, but you don’t want to be shaking or stuttering. Beyond that, if you feel like you come off as mild or soft, going to the gym and bulking up will help. You’re going to want to get to a BMI of about 25. Focus on gaining muscle, then on losing fat, unless you’re obese.
Don’t get too close at first
The easiest way to be friendly without invading someone’s personal space is to wave. The second easiest is to make eye contact and smile. You don’t want to invade people’s personal space and scare them. This is a big mistake guys make. In my experience, I’ve never been able to kiss a girl in under 15 minutes of interaction. It usually takes a couple hours to a few days for someone to get comfortable with you in their personal space. And that’s if they like you.
Ask how they’re doing, and see where the conversations go
That’s how conversations go. People overcomplicate this, but that’s pretty much all there is to it. You want to talk to women who are responsive. This means you’re going to want to make yourself someone worth responding to. This just means working on yourself. Sounds hard, but all it takes is a few years of consistent effort to set yourself apart from the crowd financially and physically. You don’t need to be a demigod either. If you’re better than 50% of men at two things, you’re in the top 25% when those two things are measured together. So just being average in two or three areas of life that are important to dating can make you a very interesting and attractive person.
Make sure you flirt
You don’t want to be forcing it; you have to be talking to women that you naturally want to flirt with, and that are actually talking back to you. Make sure that you tell her you like her eyes, hair, clothes, whatever it is you like about her. Don’t make that the center of the conversation, but make sure you’re actually trying to talk nicely to her. It’s not a job interview. Be polite at first and gauge what type of person she is. Everybody’s different, so getting too sexual too fast can be very hit or miss. You can communicate a lot with the words “beautiful”, “cute”, “sexy”, and “princess” if you want to be bold. No need to be crude.
Know when to back off
You don’t want to be forcing a situation. This is why you always open with “how’re you doing?” or some general question or assumption about something going on in the present moment. When you start off with a compliment or when you try and push a conversational boulder uphill, you end up in no man’s land or freaking her out. Less is always more, especially at the start. Sometimes you have to hang out with a woman 5 to 10 times, with her giving no indication that she likes you, before she asks if you have a girlfriend. If you know when to back off, you end up keeping your options open.
Don’t overthink the first meetup
Just try to be outside doing stuff and try to get her interested in whatever you’re doing. If she’s not trying to call you, try and get in touch with other women. Talk to those that are at the locations you visit during your daily life. Basically…be normal, but try to hang out with the people you’re interested in. This is why it helps if you and a woman have mutual interests.
Don’t take rejection personally
A lot of women are flattered if you ask them out. But a lot of people are coupled up, have kids, or just don’t necessarily want you for any particular reason. You shouldn’t have a high rejection rate as you get good at meeting women, but it will happen. It doesn’t matter, because there are a lot of women out there.
If you’re not getting any attention, there’s something wrong with you
It’s very rarely your height or your ethnicity. That stuff is incel cope. You should always be getting some attention when you go out. The main issues I’ve noticed are with culture, and body mass. Some cities are full of really tall, built men, and not everyone is accepted or loved everywhere. If you’re on the shorter side, you might want to bulk up a little. Every city and country has a “system” to be learned. Just live and observe. If you don’t know the “system” in your hometown… Then you need to start socializing more on a casual level. Forget about women for like 3 months and build a social life. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your strengths and faults and move when you want to, either. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Go where makes the most sense for you overall. That includes the dating front.
Another thing that trips people up is tonality and body language. You need to be speaking clearly and not carrying yourself like a crazy person. The best way to learn to do this is to work a sales job, preferably a scammy door-to-door one. That will create a sink or swim environment for you. If you don’t learn how to speak, you won’t make a dime.
Cold approaching women is really overcomplicated, especially if you’re an outwardly successful man. You just need to keep practicing and not push too hard for immediate results. Eventually, you’ll know what women like, and it’ll come naturally. And you don’t need to be that good at it to meet someone you like. That’s more about knowing yourself, being the kind of person you want to be and hanging out in the right places.
Thanks for paying attention.
