Despite things changing a lot over the last few years, a lot of men don’t want to go to therapy. This is understandable, considering the traditional patriarchal narrative. We are supposed to be tough, and showing emotions is taboo. I’ve been to therapy and had a lot of therapists in my life. My childhood sucked, and my teen years were basically wasted. A couple of therapists I’ve had were good. Most weren’t. Psychology is a flawed science, and some environments are miserable and tough to content with. That being said, I think a lot of men are being misled about therapy. Wealthy, lonely men are oversold the stuff, while marginalized men are told that depression is for pussies and that anyone who talks about their emotions is feminine. There is a role for therapy in a man’s life, but it needs to be clearly understood before shelling out hundreds of dollars every month. This article is what I’ve learned, based on my personal experience. None of this is medical advice, of course.
Therapy does work
If you understand what’s going on, that is. Therapists are advisors. They know about mental health and are supposed to guide you in your life journey. Nothing more. The right therapist can be very helpful, as long as you treat their services this way. Don’t let them take on the role of doctor. Don’t let them take over your life. But use them as sounding boards. The best therapists understand that this is how they want to be used, and act accordingly. Therapists are experts in psychology. Even if they don’t live the best lives themselves, they know what humans need at their core. When you tell a therapist about your life, they should be able to tell you what you are missing and guide you accordingly. Which brings me to my second point.
Trust is the most important aspect of therapy
If you don’t trust your therapist enough to weigh their advice objectively, it will never work. This is regardless of whether the person is competent or not. Trusting a therapist is tricky business. Most people are not trustworthy. Many people are incompetent and can’t be trusted with your life. Choosing the right therapist and keeping them in their “box” is 80% of finding success in therapy.
Mental illness is a natural reaction
Becoming mentally ill is a response to stress. Almost anyone claiming otherwise is copping out. Drug use is a way of inducing stress on the brain. Most people who get depressed are triggered by something. PTSD is one of the most destructive mental health conditions and affects people who are healthy all the time. Becoming mentally ill means your life sucks. If your therapist isn’t helping you change your life, then they aren’t good either. This is a major concern, because therapists are disincentivized financially from helping you fully get better. Never take medicine offered by your talk therapist. It’s a terrible idea.
Not all therapy is created equal
Therapy is an art, not a science. A lot of people go through more than one therapist before they settle down. Don’t give up on therapy just because one guy is bad at their job. You have to experiment before you make a decision. There are lots of competent therapists, but competencies also vary. Are you dealing with trauma? Addiction? Sexual stuff? The right therapist for you might be different depending on what your answer is.
Medicine = you’re too far gone
A lot of people push meds. This is not good. I’m not here to push medical agendas, but I suggest people do real, in depth research on the medical system and healthcare before taking psychotropic medicines. You will probably end up not wanting to take psychotropic medicine. This isn’t medical advice.
Rehab is often a waste of time
Most substance abusers are not addicted to drugs. Most substance abusers, in 2024, are not suffering serious consequences from their substance abuse. Many people develop health problems, but the effects of those are cumulative. Most people who use drugs just have no reason to be sober. That’s really it. Most people who use drugs don’t overdose. Most of them don’t die. Opioids are their own beast, but rehab is a waste of time for a lot of recreational drug users. What those people need, is help finding purpose and meaning in life, not therapy. This is actually one major reason why we have so much addiction in the West. The literature on this stuff is clear, yet we willfully ignore it.
Fewer people would need therapy if society were normal
Being outside of North American culture but also living in the English-speaking Caribbean has shown me that mental illness is rampant in North America. It is not rampant in my home country. I can only speak as a young man, but the sense of community, warm weather, and lack of woke stuff make it really easy to be mentally healthy. I don’t love living where I do, it isn’t ideal, but I would never live in the US or Canada. It’s not worth being less mentally healthy. The only stressors or things that make me feel bad in life are connected to the US and Canada. Unfortunately, it’s hard to divorce yourself from an environment in which you spent nearly 2 decades. But the more disconnected I am, the better I feel. Not being in an environment with rampant mental health problems does a lot.
In conclusion/the chicken or egg problem
The solution to finding your mental health as a man, is leaving the West. The rate of mental illness is just too high, you or one of your family members will be affected if you live in the West and choose to have some sort of family. You can work really hard to create a good life, but it’s just basic statistics. Nothing can prepare you for the fact that your son’s classmates sell Fentanyl, or that your daughter’s sell feet pics. North American culture is weird and it breeds a bunch of mental health issues, especially in young people. And it’s only going to get worse. It’s only going to get better when zoomers hit their 50s or 60s, mark my words. If you’re struggling with non-life-threatening mental health issues, I suggest that you make a plan to leave the west and then find a good therapist who can help you apply it. This will help you create a good balance between escapism and reality. Just don’t get sucked into the idea of “being happy where you are”. It’s possible to be happy anywhere, but only a few people have had the privilege of truly experiencing life in different locales over a long period of time. It makes a huge difference, and very few therapists understand how much it matters. Once you’re able to function, leaving the West is the cherry on top.
Thanks for paying attention.
